Sex might not be the most important thing in a romantic relationship, but for many, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to leave it off the table completely. Couples who share that kind of physical intimacy are often better at communicating and being vulnerable with each other.
But that only works if both people are interested in having sex and agree on how frequently it should happen.
So, what if you have different libidos? What if your sex drive is different from your partner’s, and it’s creating a rift in your sex life or your relationship in general?
Having a difference in libido doesn’t need to ruin your relationship. As long as you’re both willing to implement coping mechanisms that work and communicate in other areas of your relationship, you can overcome your difference in libido and foster a sex life that works for both of you.
It’s easy to get frustrated at yourself and potentially your partner, when you have mismatched libidos. If you’re someone with a high sex drive and your partner isn’t, you might feel guilty that you’re “pushing” them too much. Or, you might think there’s something wrong with your relationship (or you) since they don’t want to have sex as much.
If you’re a partner with a low libido, you might think there’s something wrong with you. Or, you might worry that you’re disappointing the person you love.
One of the best things you can do to ease those negative thoughts is to empathize with your partner. Empathy can help you understand how your partner thinks and feels about sex. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about putting yourself in the other person’s shoes to let go of any negative self-talk that might be trying to take over.
Rethink Your Sex Life
Unfortunately, there are common misconceptions and expectations about what a healthy sex life should look like. In today’s society, it’s easy to “see” sex everywhere, potentially skewing what people think it should be.
But sex doesn’t always have to mean intercourse.
Talk to your partner about their likes and dislikes, and redefine your sex life together. Maybe one of you isn’t interested in intercourse very often, but is fine with other intimate physical acts that will allow you to feel just as close.
Focus On Quality Over Quantity
Again, society has caused far too many people to think you have to have sex a certain number of times each week or month for your relationship to be considered normal. Instead of focusing on some kind of number, focus on the quality of your intimate moments.
Whether you’re the partner with low libido or not, shifting your perspective on the quality of your sexual encounters can make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
Scheduling sex might not seem like the most romantic thing in the world. But, it benefits both people in the relationship. It allows you to come to a compromise you’re both happy with. It gives the person with a lower libido time to prepare emotionally and mentally. At the same time, it allows both people to look forward to that specific time dedicated to each other.
A difference in libido doesn’t have to destroy your relationship. It doesn’t even have to take over your sex life. There are healthy ways of coping and communicating, so you both find satisfaction.
Contact Integrative Psychotherapy Group
If you’re still struggling with mismatched libidos and can’t seem to find a strategy that works, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Therapy is often a great way for couples to better understand things like differences in libido. From there, healthy strategies can be put in place to improve your sex life and your relationship.