Sex isn’t everything in a marriage, no matter how much society wants you to believe it is. However, it’s an important part of your committed relationship. If you’re having trouble with your sex life, it could be a sign of something deeper going on.
Usually, a sexless marriage is less about the sex itself and more about why you’re not having it.
It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or that your marriage is over. Instead, it means there are issues to work through. However, if you and your spouse are both willing and you both want to reignite the spark in your sex life, there are things you can do to remedy your sexless marriage.
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About It
Ironically enough, sex is still often considered a taboo or sensitive subject when spoken about in private. We see it all over television and movies, hear about it in songs, and read about it in books. But, when it’s your own sex life in question, it’s not always easy to be open.
That’s the first hurdle you’ll need to overcome in your marriage.
If you and your partner aren’t talking about your sex lives, it could be what’s causing the miscommunication in the bedroom.
You or your partner could be feeling anything from shame or inadequacy to needs and wants that aren’t being met. If you aren’t talking about those things, how will they ever get resolved?
Be willing to step outside your comfort zone for these conversations. Your openness and vulnerability can improve the trust in your relationship, which bolsters intimacy.
Don’t Blame Your Partner
It’s easy to “pass the buck” when it comes to problems in your sex life. You might want to accuse your partner of a busy schedule, or maybe suggest they’re “never in the mood.”
That’s one of the worst things you can do to fix your sexless marriage.
Instead, focus on “I” statements. Let your partner know what you need without placing blame.
Foster Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
If your sex life is struggling, don’t think just hopping into bed together will fix things. Intimacy starts long before sex. Schedule a date night together. Hold hands. Spend quality time together away from your digital devices.
Show intimacy in little ways each day by sending notes to each other, or by making your partner a cup of coffee before they go to work.
These “little moments” will go a long way in your relationship and can improve your bond in and out of the bedroom.
Dig For Deeper Issues
Unfortunately, sometimes a sexless marriage is the result of problems in the relationship.
Maybe you’re not expressing things that are bothering you (or your partner isn’t). Maybe trust has been broken and you’re having a hard time repairing it.
Whatever the case, if relationship issues are impacting your sex life, you have to make a conscious decision whether you think you can work through them or not. If you both want to and you’re committed to making your marriage work, consider talking to a therapist or couples counselor.
It’s not always easy to uncover and talk about issues in your marriage when you’re in the thick of it. A professional serves as a neutral third party who can help you get to the root of those issues. They’ll also help to improve your communication and listening skills, so you can maintain a strong connection with your spouse for years to come.
Again, a sexless marriage doesn’t mean you’re destined for divorce, and it isn’t something that has to last forever. Keep these ideas in mind, or feel free to contact Integrative Psychotherapy Group for more help.