You’ve probably heard the stereotypes surrounding marriage and your sex life. When you first get together, you might feel a strong sexual connection. But after years of marriage, it’s often easy to feel like that “spark” is gone.
With the COVID-19 pandemic running rampant across the world, that lack of sexual intimacy has become an even greater concern for some married couples. Having to stay at home together 24/7 makes it easy to feel more like roommates and less like soulmates.
But just because you’ve lost the spark in your sexual connection doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your marriage. It certainly doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Nor does it mean that you can’t get that spark back.
If you both are committed to rekindling your sexual connection and feeling closer once again, here’s how you can make that happen.
Don’t Blame Each Other
If it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, don’t play the blame game. One of you may be more of an initiator, and one may be a denier. If you really want to bring back your sexual connection, try to change your role.
For example, if you have been the one denying your partner too often, take a turn at being the initiator. If you typically are the one who “pushes” for more sexual intimacy, take a step back and let your partner take that role. You can both find a middle ground and a way to meet that works for both of you in suggesting an intimate night together.
Touch More Often
Nonsexual touches can lead to greater physical intimacy and a stronger sense of connection. Hand-holding is one of the best ways to boost that intimacy. So, don’t be afraid to reach for your partner’s hand throughout the day.
In fact, make an effort to work nonsexual touches into your relationship as often as possible. Give your spouse a long hug at the end of the day, or touch their arm before you leave for work in the morning. Physical affection like this helps to reduce stress and induce a feeling of calm. Everyone could use a bit more of that during these uncertain times. But it could also make you feel more connected with your partner while taking some of the “pressure” off when it comes to your sex life.
Try New Things
When you commit to being vulnerable with your partner, you may also be willing to try something new. Many times, the “spark” in sexual connection is lost because sex starts to feel like a routine. When that happens, it’s easy for both people involved to not feel as wanted or desired.
One way to change that is by opening yourself up to new ideas. Talk to your partner about things they might like to try and express some of your own interests. Are there things that are off-limits? Other things that you’ve always been curious about?
If you’re not familiar with having conversations like that, it might be a bit uncomfortable at first. But even talking about such things openly can reignite a spark. Knowing that you are both interested and actively trying to fire up your sexual connection can make a difference.
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Whether you’ve been married for one year or twenty, no one is immune to losing that spark in their sexual connection. The good news? You can get it back!
If you’re not sure how to do that and you’re still struggling with feeling more like roommates than a couple, contact Integrative Psychotherapy Group. Together, we can talk more about the aforementioned strategies and go over additional ideas about improving your sexual connection and feeling closer than ever as a couple.
