Moving in with your partner is a big step in your relationship. You might be excited to finally share a space with your partner. But at the same time, you may be a bit nervous for all of the changes moving in together will entail. There are several important issues that all couples should discuss before they move into their own place.
Maybe your relationship has been smooth sailing so far. You’ve never dealt with any major conflicts. But living together can present challenges you had never expected! Here are a few issues that you and your partner should talk about before you get the keys to the same place.
Even if you and your partner are not officially combining your bank accounts after moving in together, you still need to decide how you will budget for shared expenses. It’s easy to assume that you should simply split the costs of rent, utilities, and groceries equally. But what if one partner makes significantly more than the other?
Talk about how your individual incomes compare to your cost of living. Determine what the most fair arrangement would be for both people. You can also schedule regular “financial check-ins” to ensure that you’re both comfortable with your budget.
Perhaps you and your partner were both living with family before deciding to get your own place. Until now, you’ve never been fully responsible for all of the household chores. Or maybe you lived with lots of roommates. Back when you were in college, you simply accepted that you have to put up with untidiness. But now, you and your partner will have to divide chores fairly.
Write down all of the chores that will need to be done on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, and then determine how to best split them up. Keep your respective work schedules in mind as you make these decisions.
Individual Space and “Me Time”
Yes, you love your partner. But sometimes you’ll just want a little bit of time to yourself! It’s important to talk to your partner about how much time you like to spend recharging. This is vital if you’re an introvert and they’re an extrovert. Depending on how large your apartment or house is, you may even be able to designate a specific space for relaxing.
Having Guests Stay Over
Do you and your partner have friends and family from out of town who might want to visit and stay with you from time to time? It’s easy to assume that your friends can come by and crash on your couch whenever you want — but you need to clear these visits with your partner.
You don’t want to have multiple guests assuming they can stay over on the same weekend. Plus, having guests around does create extra work, so make sure that these visits aren’t interfering with your partner’s other responsibilities.
Spending each night with your partner may sound romantic at first — but you would be surprised by how many couples start encountering issues when they begin sharing a room! Does your partner snore? Do you need to go to bed much earlier than they do? What times do you both prefer to wake up?
These are all important questions with answers that could affect your sleep routines. Sometimes couples with very different sleep preferences actually choose to sleep in separate rooms, so don’t brush these potential differences under the rug!
Are you and your partner hitting obstacles after moving in together? Working through these with a therapist can be helpful. Reach out to Integrative Psychotherapy Group to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.